Desire for Control
The psychological desire for control stems from a need to feel safe and manage uncertainty, often driven by anxiety, fear, and past trauma. This can manifest as a need for rigid routines, perfectionism, or controlling others’ behavior, and while it may provide a temporary sense of security, it can ultimately cause stress and strain relationships. The desire for control is a complex motivation that can have biological, evolutionary, and psychological roots.
Causes of the desire for control
- Anxiety and fear: A desire to control situations is often a response to feeling anxious or afraid, and can be a way to avoid feared or uncertain outcomes.
- Trauma: Past experiences like abuse or neglect can lead to a persistent belief that one must control their surroundings to avoid getting hurt again.
- Perfectionism: A strong need for perfection is fundamentally a need for control, as it involves trying to manage all outcomes to meet an idealized standard.
- Lack of structure: Individuals who lacked a sense of control or structure in their childhood may develop an intense need for control later in life as a way to cope with a perceived chaotic world.
- Fear of abandonment: In some cases, a desire to control others can stem from an intense fear of rejection or abandonment.
- Insecurity: A lack of self-confidence can lead to a need to control others, as the individual may not have a positive understanding of themselves.
- Biological and evolutionary factors: Some research suggests a biological basis for the need for control, viewing it as an evolved self-preservation mechanism that helps an individual navigate an unpredictable world.
Manifestations of a need for control
- Rigid routines: A need for everything to be done in a specific, set way.
- Perfectionism: An inability to accept anything less than a perfect outcome.
- Controlling others: Trying to dictate the actions, choices, or feelings of other people.
- Excessive planning: The need to plan every detail to prevent unexpected events.
- Difficulty with change: Discomfort and anxiety when faced with unexpected changes or a loss of control.
Consequences of the desire for control
- Strained relationships: Controlling behaviors often lead to conflict and damage in personal and professional relationships.
- Increased stress: Despite the intention to create security, the constant effort to control situations often backfires, increasing stress and anxiety.
- Difficulty relaxing: A person who is always trying to control their environment may have trouble relaxing or letting things unfold naturally.
AI responses may include mistakes.
[1] https://screening.mhanational.org/content/i-can-stop-wanting-control/
[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202103/how-to-stop-being-controlling
[5] https://medium.com/@richardobenjr/the-biology-of-your-need-for-control-in-life-205d6771621c
[6] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2944661/
[7] https://www.reddit.com/r/psychology/comments/yixhaf/low_sense_of_personal_control_increases_peoples/
[9] https://beatrizvictoriaalbina.medium.com/understanding-your-desire-to-control-946f341d9788