I’d rather stay in limbo than take a chance

The Samskar of Limbo refers to a situation where we strongly desire something but are paralyzed by fear of rejection or failure, preventing us from taking action. This is commonly seen in the context of having romantic feelings for a friend but being unable to confess those feelings due to fear of rejection and losing the friendship.

The key insight is that this paralysis is not solely due to fear, but also due to a strong attachment to the positive dream or fantasy of a potential relationship. The more we are enamored with this dream, the harder it becomes to act, as we fear losing the possibility of it becoming a reality.

To overcome this Samskar, one must paradoxically let go of the positive emotion and detach from the dream, acknowledging that the desired outcome may never come to pass. By grieving the potential relationship and accepting that it may not be meant for this life, we become more free to act and express our feelings.

The funny thing about this Samskar is overcoming it doesn’t just involve overcoming a negative emotion. It actually involves overcoming a positive emotion. And this is what actually makes it so tricky.

Reflective Questions:

• Have you experienced the Samskar of Limbo in your own life? How did it manifest?
• What positive dreams or fantasies might be holding you back from taking action in certain areas of your life?
• How can you practice detachment and letting go of outcomes to become more free to act authentically?

Overcoming Fear of Rejection, The Power of Detachment, Navigating Platonic Friendships with Romantic Feelings

To work through the Samskar of Limbo, the first step is to recognize its action in the present moment. Notice how you feel about yourself and what you want from the other person, and identify what is holding you back from acting on those feelings.

As you explore your hesitation, look for both positive and negative emotions. Consider what you imagine will happen if you confess your feelings, what you hope will happen, and what could realistically happen. By detaching from the dream and hope, you become more able to have an authentic conversation with the person.

Working through this Samskar is challenging because, unlike other Samskars that stem from negative emotions, the Samskar of Limbo is rooted in an attachment to a positive emotion or hope. We are not taught to view positive emotions as something we need to work on or deal with, making this Samskar particularly difficult to handle.

So the first thing that you’ve got to do is notice its action in the present. Notice how you feel about yourself and sort of what you want from this person and what it is that holds you back.

Reflective Questions:

• What positive emotions or hopes might be contributing to a sense of paralysis or stuckness in your life?
• How can you practice self-awareness to recognize the Samskar of Limbo in the present moment?
• What steps can you take to detach from positive fantasies and engage in authentic communication?

Self-Awareness and Personal Growth, Communicating Authentically, The Challenge of Positive Attachments