Resistance - Emotions

We often think we lack motivation when we logically know what we should do but struggle to do it. However, the real issue is usually that we are motivated in the opposite direction by resistance, often in the form of emotions. Hacking motivation directly often fails because it doesn’t address the underlying resistance.

An addiction psychiatrist worked with a heroin-addicted patient whose life was being ruined by the addiction. Despite severe negative consequences, the patient struggled to quit because using heroin provided temporary emotional relief from their problems. The stronger the emotional resistance, the harder it is to change behavior.

Emotions are strongly connected to the brain’s learning and behavioral control centers, while logic is processed in the higher-order cerebral cortices. Emotional experiences, not logical arguments, often catalyze transformative change. The amygdala, our fear and survival center, can override logical decision-making.

“Emotions are kind of like the override switch for behavior, even if we kind of know logically that we should do something. If there’s kind of an emotional activation if the amygdala kind of activates at a particular time, it sort of overrides any kind of logic.”

When we experience a lack of motivation, we often engage in distracting behaviors to avoid facing the underlying emotions. These emotions may include shame, fear, or anxiety. By distracting ourselves, we temporarily reduce blood flow to the brain’s negative emotional circuitry.

Emotional resistance can manifest as procrastination Procrastination, such as a student struggling to send an email requesting an extension, is often driven by emotions like shame and fear of rejection or judgment.

Emotional resistance can hinder communication in relationships Fear of rejection can make it hard to share vulnerable information with a partner, even in a loving and trusting relationship.

Imposter syndrome is a form of emotional resistance Imposter syndrome can make it hard to speak up at work, despite being qualified and deserving of the position, due to fear of being exposed as a fraud.

“We know that this could happen right? Logically, we know that if I share something from a past relationship with my current partner, a co partner could break up with me you never know. It’s possible, but it’s not very likely. The challenge is that even though things may be in our favor from a logical perspective, from a probability perspective, even if we tell ourselves that I should be able to do this, it’s really important to me, I care about this a lot. Something gets in the way.”

• What emotions might be driving your resistance to a desired behavior change?
• How can you differentiate between true tiredness and tiredness as a cover for emotional resistance?
• What strategies can you use to face and overcome emotional resistance when it arises?

While being tired doesn’t significantly impact our ability to do most tasks, sometimes “I’m tired” is used as an excuse to avoid doing things we feel emotional resistance towards. If tiredness prevents you from doing something you logically want to do, it may be camouflaging underlying emotional resistance.

To uncover and address emotional resistance:

1. Notice when you feel a lack of motivation to do something you logically want to do
2. Observe any distracting behaviors you engage in when you think about or attempt the task
3. Dig deeper to identify the emotions underlying the resistance, such as fear, shame, or anxiety
4. Acknowledge the emotions non-judgmentally and examine their validity and helpfulness
5. Develop strategies to face and overcome the emotional resistance, such as gradual exposure, self-compassion, or reframing

“If you find yourself to be lacking motivation, what you really needed to look at is what’s the resistance at work here? What’s getting in the way of your motivation?”

• How can you practice self-compassion when facing emotional resistance?
• What reframing techniques could help you view resistance-inducing situations in a more balanced way?
• How might gradual exposure help you build tolerance for uncomfortable emotions over time?

If you find yourself with a lack of motivation and engaging in distraction when you try and do something – the missing link is that there is a subsurface understanding of the emotion you are avoiding. We want to better understand what this resistance is so that we can overcome it.

The stronger the avoidance is, the more likely you are to procrastinate and opt for distractions. Our motivation is protecting us from experiencing negative emotion. Let’s delve into dissecting this aspect of resistance. Use these prompts below to help identify if there is an emotional resistance that is blocking your motivation.