Sam Vaknin

Shmuel “Sam” Vaknin (born April 21, 1961) is an Israeli writer and professor of psychology and business studies. He is the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited (1999), an IMF and World Bank affairs consultant for several nation states, he also was the last editor-in-chief of the now-defunct political news website Global Politician, and runs a private website about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

He has also postulated a theory on chronons and time asymmetry.

wikipedia/en/Sam%20Vaknin

Here’s a 5–10 bullet summary of the video “Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind” by Sam Vaknin, with timestamps for key points:

• (00:00–01:00) Sam Vaknin introduces the concept of separation-individuation as essential for healing after narcissistic abuse; healing is impossible without psychological detachment from the narcissist.

• (01:00–03:10) The narcissist assumes the role of a “good enough mother,” offering unconditional love and idealization. This causes the victim to regress psychologically to an infantile state before they had developed individuality.

• (03:10–04:30) In this regressed state, the victim fuses with the narcissist, losing personal boundaries and a sense of self—creating a shared fantasy where the narcissist erases the victim’s individuality.

• (05:00–07:20) The narcissist creates a mute internal image (introject) of the victim and projects his own voice onto it. He then mistakenly believes the victim actually said or did what he imagined—leading to self-induced gaslighting.

• (08:00–09:34) Meanwhile, the victim forms an internalized, highly critical narcissist introject, which replaces the superego and becomes a sadistic inner critic—controlling decisions, self-worth, and behavior.

• (10:20–11:45) This dynamic creates external locus of control—the victim acts as a puppet, manipulated by the narcissist’s script. The victim’s autonomy is overridden by the narcissist’s psychological imprint.

• (12:00–13:44) Embracing victimhood identity actually sustains the narcissist’s control. By identifying as a victim, one continues to play the role the narcissist assigned—keeping the narcissist alive in one’s mind.

• (14:28–16:02) Healing begins when the victim reclaims the narrative, casts the narcissist as a muted background figure, and constructs their own internal theater. Contradicting the narcissist’s voice is key to re-individuation.