Desire
Sloww Hierarchy of Happiness – Desire
- Nothing can satisfy the ego for long. As long as it runs your life, there are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other. ― Eckhart Tolle
- Desire to me is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. ― Naval Ravikant
- Don’t seek that all that comes about should come about as you wish, but wish that everything that comes about should come about just as it does, and then you’ll have a calm and happy life. ― Epictetus, Enchiridion
- On the whole, the happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so. ― William R. Inge
- We need to start by understanding that true happiness is not reflected in the modern world’s view of it being fun, elation or laughter. Happiness is finding peace and being OK with life exactly as it is. ― Mo Gawdat
- You can experience a life in which waves of love can rush up inside of you any time you want. It is the nature of your being. You simply have to go to the other side of the psyche. You do that by letting go of the tendency to cling. You do it by not using your mind to build false solidity. You just decide, once and for all, to take the journey by constantly letting go. ― Michael Singer
- “Nietzsche, in a rare moment of deep stillness, wrote, “For happiness, how little suffices for happiness!…the least thing precisely, the gentlest thing, the lightest thing, a lizard’s rustling, a breath, a wisk, an eye glance—little maketh up the best happiness. Be still.” ― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
- Happiness is the very nature of the Self; happiness and the Self are not different. There is no happiness in any object of the world. We imagine through our ignorance that we derive happiness from objects. When the mind goes out, it experiences misery. In truth, when its desires are fulfilled, it returns to its own place and enjoys the happiness that is the Self. Similarly, in the states of sleep, samadhi and fainting, and when the object desired is obtained or the object disliked is removed, the mind becomes inward-turned, and enjoys pure Self-Happiness. ― Ramana Maharshi
- Basic needs and metaneeds are in the same hierarchical-integration, i.e., in the same continuum, in the same realm of discourse. They have the same basic characteristic of being ‘needed’ (necessary, good for the person) in the sense that their deprivation produces ‘illness’ and diminution, and that their ‘ingestion’ fosters growth toward full humanness, toward greater happiness and joy, toward psychological ‘success,’ toward more peak experiences, and in general toward living more often at the level of being. That is, they are all biologically desirable, and all foster biological success. ― Abraham Maslow
Lacan on how to stop wasting your life: a step-by-step guide - YouTube
The danger of yielding to desire
A concise summary of Lacan’s argument that betraying one’s true desires leads to wasting one’s life. The two main traps are either never pursuing desires (keeping them as dreams), or achieving desires and losing their meaning.
Lacan warns against two common pitfalls:
- Never pursuing desires, keeping them as unfulfilled dreams
- Achieving desires and losing their meaning through success
“lacan’s simple formula is this you must remain true or loyal to your desire”
“one of the tragedies is that while we’re so busy trying to find that day that day when we start living our life that before we know it our entire lives have passed us by”
Reflective questions:
- What desires have I been postponing in my life?
- How might achieving my desires potentially lead to losing their meaning?
Transitioning from desire to drive
Lacan proposes shifting focus from desire (Object-oriented) to drive (process-oriented) as a way to find fulfillment and stop wasting one’s life. This involves enjoying the pursuit itself rather than fixating on end goals.
Steps to transition from desire to drive:
- Identify a meaningful pursuit or practice
- Focus on the process rather than end goals
- Find ways to contribute to others through your pursuit
- Cultivate daily engagement with your chosen practice
“Lacan’s conclusion is this this is what you might call the super ego trap the more you feed the super ego the more you chase the outward appearance of success the more you betray your original desire”
“instead of orienting your life around desire you have to orient it around drive”
Reflective questions:
- What activities do I engage in purely for the process, not the outcome?
- How can I reframe my goals to focus more on the journey than the destination?
Subjective destitution and contentment
Lacan’s concept of subjective destitution involves dedicating oneself completely to a meaningful pursuit that provides ongoing fulfillment. This state of "being dead in life" paradoxically leads to a form of contentment and immortality.
Key aspects of subjective destitution:
- Choose one thing to dedicate yourself to completely
- Ensure it provides value to others, not just yourself
- Find contentment in the daily practice, not external validation
- Achieve a form of “immortality” through sustained meaningful engagement
“He says that drive is when you undergo the transition from being towards death towards being dead in life and being dead in life is a kind of immortality”
“the more you give the more you receive not because you receive actual financial compensation but because the act of giving is itself the reward”
Reflective questions:
- What single pursuit could I dedicate myself to completely?
- How does my chosen pursuit provide value to others beyond myself?
self-actualization, meaning-making, philosophical psychology
The superego trap and external validation
Lacan warns against the “superego trap” of seeking external validation and success, which can lead to betraying one’s original desires and losing authentic fulfillment.
Signs of falling into the superego trap:
- Prioritizing financial success over original intentions
- Becoming a "parody" of oneself through repetitive success
- Feeling drained despite outward appearances of achievement
- Losing connection with the original motivation for one's pursuits
“as soon as money becomes part of the equation it’s really hard not to do it for the money”
"you're not living for status and success and for money you're not living for external validation you are simply living for that which makes your life meaningful"
Reflective questions:
- In what areas of my life am I prioritizing external validation over authentic fulfillment?
- How can I reconnect with my original motivations in my work or creative pursuits?
Enjoying the chase: The key to fulfillment
Lacan suggests that true contentment comes from enjoying the process or "chase" itself, rather than fixating on achieving specific desires or goals.
Ways to cultivate enjoyment of the process:
- Focus on daily engagement with your chosen pursuit
- Find meaning in the act of creation or practice itself
- Embrace the ongoing nature of drive-oriented activities
- Recognize that completion or “having it all” is an illusion
“instead of chasing something that you think will make you happy you have to learn to enjoy the chase itself”
“once you enjoy the process or the journey it’s not about the reward it’s not about the super ego incentive it’s about the thing itself it gives your life meaning”
Reflective questions:
- What activities do I engage in where I lose track of time and feel fully present?
- How can I shift my focus from outcomes to the process in my daily life?
Quotes
- “There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.” ― George Bernard Shaw
- “I am dead because I lack desire, I lack desire because I think I possess, I think I possess because I do not try to give, In trying to give, you see that you have nothing, Seeing that you have nothing, you try to give of yourself, Trying to give of yourself, you see that you are nothing, Seeing that you are nothing, you desire to become, In desiring to become, you begin to live.” ― Rene Daumal