Masculinity

I think there is a version of masculinity that all men should be taught by their fathers ― a healthy kind of it.

I do acknowledge that there are certain things that do count as “toxic” ― I can’t really quantify it for now but I get that from these so called Alpha males, sigma male masquerading people.

I am perfectly secure about my masculinity ― okay, maybe not PERFECTLY but I am trying to understand it.

I do subscribe to the idea that men should be “providers” but I don’t want this to coincide with “Women should stay at home” ― at least, not in this economy.

I actively encourage women around me to be better, how they can find better employment opportunities etc.

I guess I wouldn’t shy away from calling myself a feminist if it means equal opportunity in work, education, in all the other aspects of life and pay(but I’ve heard from many people that women are often paid less because they’re not as efficient in their work as their counterpart in a given field).

Also, I am really weirded out by women not wanting to shave their armpits in the name of feminism.

But I am all for equality.

Why do I wanna learn more about masculinity?

I do sort of admire traditional values such as being disciplined, taking yourself seriously, working out, wanting to bring out the best version of yourself, being respected among your peers(I’ve known men who are only invited to hang out so others can make fun of them).

I think the versions of this kind of masculinity has been talked about by YTers like Hamza or Captain Sindbad.

But I wanna learn more about things like courage, doing what not what is right or wrong but what your duty is, confidence, family values(like serving your parents when they’re old because they literally helped you come into this world, I really believe you don’t owe shit to anyone in this world except your parents ― I guess not for everybody, I have heard stories of abusive and asshole parents but mine raised me well).

But some of the things they teach like ― how to “get” chicks to like you and how you can be a fuckboy are things I am really NOT after.

I think it’s a waste of time to fuck around with multiple women just for the sake of it. I’d much rather spend time and energy making a relationship work with a person I actually like.

So what should I actually explore, what should I read?

There’s books like The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi but I really don’t wanna go down the path of the playboy.

When I said I am fairly confident and secure about my masculinity, it mostly comes from the fact that I’ve been working out for a couple of years(not consistently but I know a thing or two about lifting), the fact that I’ve actively but effort into “personal development” and self-awareness gives me enough confidence everyday but I want to prepare myself for my thirties ― for a twenty year old I have done fairly well in these bizarre times.

I also have to start thinking about marriage and family soon. Which I’ve been avoiding to think about for a long time. … how am I going to raise my children?

I guess masculinity is also about charisma ― which I read about in book The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane ― read it a few years ago, need a refresher on it.

You know just don’t want my opinion to end up on https://twitter.com/MasculineTakes

I honestly don’t think there’s much to be learnt here, I already have my Values and principles guiding me and will guide my through my life, I’d much rather worry about them than worry if I am masculine enough or not. I am a fond subscriber to the philosophy of Stoicism, I don’t need this convoluted Alpha-Beta-Sigma male BS.

• Cultural Capital
• Egalitarian Ethos

Masculinity And Love in the Islamic Framework

Prophetic Love: The Epitome of Masculinity

1. The Sahaba’s Love for the Prophet ﷺ:

   • The Sahaba’s love for the Prophet ﷺ exemplified true masculinity. They loved him as a perfect embodiment of human virtues: courage, wisdom, mercy, and devotion.
   • They did not see him as a distant figure but as a friend, leader, and spiritual guide. Their love for him transcended physicality and became a form of worship through obedience and devotion to Allah.

2. Examples from the Sahaba’s Love:

   • Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (RA): During the Hijrah, he placed his life at risk to protect the Prophet ﷺ. His love was protective and selfless, embodying the ideal masculine virtue of responsibility.
   • Ali ibn Abi Talib (RA): Slept in the Prophet’s ﷺ bed during the night of Hijrah, risking his own life. This reflects a sacrificial love, a hallmark of Islamic masculinity.

3. Love for the Prophet ﷺ as a Guide to Perfect Love:

   • Loving the Prophet ﷺ is about loving what he represents: submission to Allah, the embodiment of mercy, and the fulfillment of human potential.
   • The Sahaba’s love for him was not driven by physical desire but by a yearning to emulate his divine connection.

Homosexual Relationships and the Modern Crisis

1. Why Modern Homosexual Relationships Often Fail:

   • Seeking Completion in Imperfection: Homosexual relationships are often rooted in seeking emotional or physical completion from another imperfect being. This dynamic results in inevitable disappointment, as no created being can fill the void meant for the Creator.
   • Over-sexualization of Love: Modernity has reduced love to physical attraction, stripping it of its spiritual depth and turning it into a transactional or identity-based phenomenon.

2. Homosexuality and Narcissism:

   • Carl Jung’s concept of “projection” can be applied here. Homosexual attraction might sometimes represent a projection of one’s unfulfilled qualities onto another similar individual. Instead of seeking spiritual growth, the individual fixates on a mirror of themselves.
   • This is akin to the myth of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection, ultimately leading to his destruction. True love seeks to transcend oneself, not reflect oneself.

3. The Role of Shaytan in Distorting Love:

   • Shaytan manipulates human emotions to blur the lines between genuine affection and forbidden desires. He exploits the natural capacity for brotherly love, twisting it into something perverse.
   • By normalizing unnatural relationships, Shaytan veils people from the higher love they could achieve through loving Allah, His Messenger, and His creation in the proper way.

1. Prophetic Masculinity:

   • Rooted in responsibility, mercy, and self-restraint. The Prophet ﷺ embodied the perfect balance between firmness and gentleness, strength and humility.
   • His love for his companions was never ego-driven but always aimed at their betterment. He loved them as a shepherd loves his flock, guiding them toward Allah.

2. Modern Masculinity:

   • The modern world either hyper-masculinizes men, portraying them as aggressive and devoid of emotion, or feminizes them, stripping them of their natural roles as protectors and leaders.
   • This imbalance leads to confusion, with some men seeking validation or affection in ways that are contrary to fitrah.

1. Why Love the Prophet ﷺ?

   • He represents the perfect balance of human qualities: strength, compassion, wisdom, and devotion. Loving him aligns one’s heart with divine values, providing clarity and purpose.
   • Unlike imperfect human relationships, loving the Prophet ﷺ connects one to Allah, as he is the ultimate guide and intercessor.

2. The Sahaba’s Example:

   • The Sahaba’s love for the Prophet ﷺ was so profound that they competed for his leftover water, fought for his saliva, and cherished every word he spoke.
   • This love was not physical but spiritual, a recognition of his divine role.

3. Practical Steps to Cultivate This Love:

   • Study his life (seerah) and emulate his character.
   • Engage in frequent salawat (sending blessings upon him).
   • Reflect on his mercy and sacrifices for the ummah.
   • Surround oneself with reminders of his example through dhikr, books, and good company.

1. The Broken Mirror:

   • Imagine trying to see your reflection in a cracked mirror. An imperfect human love is like that mirror—distorted and incomplete. The Prophet ﷺ is the perfect mirror, reflecting divine light clearly. Loving him aligns you with your Creator.

2. The Sun and the Moon:

   • Just as the moon reflects the light of the sun, the Prophet ﷺ reflects Allah’s attributes. Loving him allows you to bask in the light of divine love without being overwhelmed.

3. The Compass and the North Star:

   • The Prophet ﷺ is like the North Star, a constant guide in a world of shifting values. Loving him provides direction and purpose, leading you to Allah.

1. Islamic Ontology of Love:

   • Love originates in the heart (qalb), which is the center of perception and connection to Allah. The heart is meant to love what is pure and divine. Misplaced love clouds the heart and leads to spiritual diseases.
   • The Prophet ﷺ said, “None of you truly believes until I am more beloved to him than his father, his children, and all of mankind.” This indicates that true faith is tied to proper love.

2. Modern Ontology of Love:

   • The modern world confuses love with desire, reducing it to fleeting emotions or physical attraction. This reductionist view alienates people from experiencing the fullness of divine love.

• To heal the confusion around masculinity and love, we must redirect our hearts to the Prophet ﷺ, who exemplifies perfect love and devotion.
• This love is not romantic but transformative, elevating one’s soul and aligning it with divine purpose.
• By loving the Prophet ﷺ, one learns to love others in the right way—selflessly and for the sake of Allah.

1. The Love of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (RA):

   • When the Prophet ﷺ passed away, Abu Bakr’s grief was profound. Despite his sorrow, he displayed incredible fortitude, exemplifying the balance of love and responsibility that Islam encourages.
   • He famously said, “Whoever worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But whoever worshipped Allah, know that Allah is alive and never dies.”
   • This example shows how true love for the Prophet ﷺ doesn’t stop at personal attachment but extends into embodying his teachings and fulfilling responsibility.

2. The Sacrifice of Khadijah (RA):

   • Khadijah (RA) supported the Prophet ﷺ unconditionally, investing her wealth and energy in his mission. Her love for him was rooted in his divine connection and his character, not personal gain.
   • This challenges modern transactional relationships, showing that true love seeks the other’s higher good and aligns with divine purpose.

3. Salman Al-Farsi (RA) and Brotherhood:

   • Salman Al-Farsi’s journey to Islam is a powerful example of transcending cultural and personal barriers for the sake of truth. His love for the Prophet ﷺ and his companions transcended race and nationality, fostering a bond that was spiritual and universal.
   • This directly counters modern alienation caused by identity politics and materialism.

1. Imam Al-Ghazali:

   • In Ihya Ulum al-Din, Al-Ghazali speaks extensively about the nature of love, categorizing it into love for Allah, His Messenger, and creation for His sake. He describes loving the Prophet ﷺ as essential for purifying the soul and achieving nearness to Allah.
   • He warns against misplaced love, likening it to being enamored with shadows when the sun is present—a poignant analogy for modern infatuations with fleeting desires.

2. Ibn Arabi:

   • Ibn Arabi discusses the concept of hub al-haqiqi (true love), which is the soul’s yearning for its Creator. He explains that loving the Prophet ﷺ is a pathway to this ultimate love because the Prophet ﷺ is the most perfect manifestation of divine attributes in human form.
   • He views masculinity as a balance between divine mercy (rahmah) and authority (qawwam), embodied by the Prophet ﷺ.

3. Rumi:

   • Rumi often uses the metaphor of the moth and flame to describe the soul’s love for divine truth. He saw the Prophet ﷺ as the guide who directs the soul’s yearning in the right direction, protecting it from being consumed by lesser flames (e.g., materialism, desires).
   • His poetry reminds us that misplaced love leads to destruction, while love for Allah and His Messenger ﷺ brings fulfillment.

4. Ernest Becker’s Parallel in The Denial of Death:

   • Becker argues that humans seek immortality through their pursuits, often misplacing their yearning for transcendence in finite things (e.g., fame, relationships).
   • Islam addresses this by directing love and immortality-seeking toward Allah and His Messenger ﷺ, who provide eternal meaning.

1. Psychoanalysis and Narcissism (Carl Jung and Alexander Lowen):

   • Jung’s concept of the shadow explains how humans project their hidden flaws onto others, leading to distorted relationships. Homosexuality can sometimes reflect unresolved projections of self-love or a search for validation.
   • Lowen describes how modern society’s obsession with self-reliance (narcissism) erodes the ability to love authentically. Islam’s model of loving the Prophet ﷺ counters this by teaching humility and submission.

2. Masculinity Crisis:

   • Modern gender ideologies confuse traditional masculine virtues, leading to a vacuum of leadership, protection, and responsibility. The Prophet ﷺ’s example as a husband, father, leader, and friend provides a comprehensive blueprint for true masculinity.
   • His love was protective, not possessive; nurturing, not dominating. This counters both hyper-masculine aggression and the effeminization of men.

3. The Modern Alienation from True Love:

   • Secularism reduces love to either a fleeting emotion or a biological impulse, stripping it of spiritual depth. Islamic love, in contrast, integrates all dimensions of human existence—spiritual, emotional, and physical.
   • Modern homosexual relationships, often rooted in seeking emotional validation, fail because they overlook the spiritual purpose of love: to align oneself with Allah’s will.

1. The Unfathomable Ocean:

   • The Prophet ﷺ is like a lighthouse guiding ships (humanity) through the vast ocean of existence. Modern ideologies offer flickering lanterns that mislead ships into wreckage.

2. The Perfect Painting:

   • Imagine a masterful painting that reflects the Creator’s perfection. Loving the Prophet ﷺ is like appreciating this painting, leading you to the Master Artist (Allah).

3. The Tree and the Fruit:

   • The Prophet ﷺ is the tree whose roots are firmly grounded in divine love and whose branches bear the fruits of wisdom and mercy. Loving him allows you to taste the sweetness of divine guidance.

1. Study the Seerah and Hadith:

   • Engage deeply with the Prophet’s ﷺ life, not just as a historical figure but as an ideal to emulate.

2. Send Salawat Frequently:

   • The act of sending blessings upon the Prophet ﷺ opens the heart and cultivates love. “Whoever sends blessings upon me once, Allah will send blessings upon him tenfold.”

3. Reflect on the Sahaba’s Love:

   • Read stories of the Sahaba’s interactions with the Prophet ﷺ to understand what true love and devotion mean.

4. Challenge Modern Myths:

   • Educate yourself and others about how the Islamic understanding of love and masculinity addresses the shortcomings of modern ideologies.

1. Imam Al-Ghazali: Love as the Foundation of Knowledge

• Al-Ghazali in Ihya Ulum al-Din places love at the center of human existence, calling it the ultimate motivator for seeking knowledge and acting virtuously.
• Key Concepts:
  • Hub Allah (Love of Allah): The ultimate purpose of human life is to achieve closeness to Allah through love and worship.
  • Love as an Antidote to Ego: Al-Ghazali warns against self-centered love, which leads to arrogance and spiritual blindness.
  • Relevance Today: Modern narcissistic ideologies glorify self-love, which directly contradicts Al-Ghazali’s framework of humility and submission to Allah.

2. Ibn Taymiyyah: The Misplaced Yearning

• Ibn Taymiyyah in his works emphasizes the fitrah (natural disposition) of humans to seek love and connection with their Creator.
• Key Concepts:
  • Misplaced Love: When humans misdirect their love toward finite beings or desires, they experience alienation and spiritual unrest.
  • Accountability in Love: Ibn Taymiyyah stresses that love is not an abstract emotion but a responsibility, meant to align with Allah’s guidance.

3. Jalaluddin Rumi: Love as a Pathway to Unity

• Rumi’s mystical poetry emphasizes the transformative power of divine love and how it transcends physical and temporal boundaries.
• Key Concepts:
  • The Beloved as a Mirror of Allah: Love for the Prophet ﷺ becomes a means of loving Allah.
  • Detachment from Lower Desires: Rumi critiques those who confuse physical attraction with true love, calling it a prison for the soul.
  • Relevance Today: Rumi’s metaphors serve as powerful counters to modern materialism and hedonism.

4. Shah Waliullah Dehlawi: The Integration of Love and Shariah

• Shah Waliullah stresses that love for the Prophet ﷺ is not just emotional but transformative, as it aligns one’s actions with Shariah.
• Key Concepts:
  • The Prophet ﷺ as the Ideal Archetype: He represents the perfect balance of justice, mercy, and devotion.
  • Love Beyond Sentimentality: Love must manifest in obedience and emulation of the Prophet’s ﷺ actions.

5. Ibn Arabi: Ontological Love

• Ibn Arabi in Fusus al-Hikam describes the Prophet ﷺ as the “Perfect Man” (Insan al-Kamil), whose love is essential for understanding Allah’s attributes.
• Key Concepts:
  • Tajalli (Divine Manifestation): The Prophet ﷺ is the clearest reflection of Allah’s mercy and attributes.
  • Love as Ontological Submission: To love the Prophet ﷺ is to recognize one’s dependence on Allah.

1. Friedrich Nietzsche: Love Without Accountability

• Nietzsche’s philosophy celebrates the “will to power,” rejecting any form of submission or accountability to a higher being.
• Consequences:
  • Love becomes self-serving, an extension of one’s ego and desires.
  • His disdain for humility directly opposes Islamic values of submission and gratitude.

2. Sigmund Freud: Reductionism of Love to Libido

• Freud’s psychoanalysis reduces love to sexual desire, framing all human relationships through the lens of suppressed or expressed libido.
• Consequences:
  • This reductionist view distorts the holistic understanding of love, making it purely transactional.
  • Freud’s influence is evident in modern media and culture, where love is often equated with physical attraction.

3. Carl Jung: Archetypes Without Unity

• While Jung acknowledges the archetype of the “hero” and the “wise man,” his framework lacks a unified Creator as the source of all wisdom and virtue.
• Consequences:
  • The Prophet ﷺ, the ultimate archetype of balance and virtue, is ignored in favor of abstract, subjective symbols.
  • Jungian individuation promotes self-actualization disconnected from divine accountability.

4. Jean-Paul Sartre: Existentialist Alienation

• Sartre’s existentialism denies any inherent meaning in life, leaving humans to construct their own values.
• Consequences:
  • Love becomes a human invention, devoid of divine guidance.
  • Sartre’s framework exacerbates modern alienation, as humans struggle with existential despair.

5. Alan Watts: Diluting Love into Mysticism

• Alan Watts, a Western proponent of Eastern philosophies, merges love into a vague, impersonal mysticism.
• Consequences:
  • His ideas encourage detachment from divine accountability, promoting self-centered spirituality.
  • This aligns with modern new-age movements that dilute love into a feel-good philosophy without substance.

1. Hinduism: Misguided Non-Duality

• Hindu Advaita Vedanta preaches that all existence is one (Brahman), blurring distinctions between Creator and creation.
• Consequences:
  • The loss of individual accountability, as love for the divine becomes abstract and impersonal.
  • Idol worship, stemming from this philosophy, shifts love from the unseen Creator to finite representations.

2. Buddhism: Detachment Without Purpose

• Buddhism’s focus on detachment leads to the rejection of personal love and relational accountability.
• Consequences:
  • Alienation from meaningful relationships.
  • The absence of a personal Creator removes the higher purpose of love and devotion.

3. Modern Yoga Movements: Commodification of Love

• Westernized yoga reduces spiritual love to a lifestyle brand, divorcing it from its deeper metaphysical implications.
• Consequences:
  • Love becomes a consumer product, devoid of spiritual depth.

Holistic Love:

• Islam integrates all dimensions of love—spiritual, emotional, and physical—into a coherent framework.
• Love for the Prophet ﷺ serves as a bridge to divine love, transforming the self while fostering communal harmony.

Practical Manifestations:

1. Gratitude and Submission:
   • Daily prayers (Salah) reinforce humility and love for Allah and His Messenger ﷺ.
2. Brotherhood and Compassion:
   • Zakat (charity) and community support embody the practical aspects of love.
3. Elevating Relationships:
   • Islamic marriage emphasizes mutual respect, mercy, and devotion, countering modern relationship failures.

• Islamic love is not an abstract emotion but a transformative force that aligns humans with their Creator’s will.
• By rejecting the corrupted philosophies of the West and East, humans can reclaim their innate purpose, finding peace and fulfillment in divine love.
• The Prophet ﷺ is the ultimate guide in this journey, embodying the perfection of love, masculinity, and devotion.

Islamic creedal schools of thought offer diverse perspectives on concepts such as love, devotion, and masculinity, reflecting theological nuances. Below, we analyze these concepts in light of different Islamic creeds—Ashʿarī, Māturīdī, Atharī/Salafi, and Ṣūfī metaphysical perspectives—contrasting them with the corrupted philosophies discussed earlier.

The Ashʿarī school, known for its emphasis on theological rationalism, places a strong focus on understanding Allah’s attributes without anthropomorphism (tashbih). Love, devotion, and masculinity are framed as manifestations of divine attributes without compromising Allah’s transcendence.

Core Creedal Standpoints:

• Love for Allah and the Prophet ﷺ:
  • Love is an expression of gratitude (shukr) for Allah’s mercy and guidance.
  • Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is loved as the best example of submission to Allah’s will.
• Masculinity in the Ashʿarī Framework:
  • Masculinity aligns with justice (ʿadl), responsibility, and leadership, reflecting the prophetic archetype.

Relevance To Modern Issues:

• Against Homosexuality and Narcissism:
  • Love is directed toward fulfilling divine commands rather than satisfying lower desires.
  • The Ashʿarī creed emphasizes accountability and purpose in relationships.
• Countering Eastern and Western Philosophies:
  • Rationalism dismantles vague mystical ideas that distort divine love, maintaining clear boundaries of Creator and creation.

The Māturīdī creed emphasizes the role of intellect (ʿaql) in recognizing divine truths. Love and devotion are natural inclinations of the human soul, directed by reason and revelation.

Core Creedal Standpoints:

• Love as a Rational Imperative:
  • Humans are naturally inclined to love the Creator, as gratitude and dependence logically follow creation.
• Prophetic Masculinity:
  • Masculinity reflects rational leadership and emotional restraint, embodied in the Prophet ﷺ.
  • The balance between emotional intelligence and spiritual strength is critical.

Relevance To Modern Issues:

• Critique of Materialism:
  • Māturīdī rationalism exposes the futility of material pursuits that claim to replace divine love.
• Countering Narcissism:
  • True self-love is framed as seeking the soul’s perfection through submission to Allah.
• Eastern Philosophies:
  • Māturīdī theology refutes Advaita Vedanta’s abstract monism, asserting Allah’s separateness from creation.

The Atharī creed prioritizes strict adherence to Qur’an and Sunnah, with minimal philosophical abstraction. Love and masculinity are seen through the lens of direct scriptural guidance.

Core Creedal Standpoints:

• Love as Submission:
  • Love for Allah and the Prophet ﷺ is demonstrated through obedience.
  • Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is the model of masculinity, representing submission, humility, and responsibility.
• Masculinity as Scriptural Norm:
  • Masculinity is rooted in adherence to Shariah, reflecting firmness in faith and compassion in leadership.

Relevance To Modern Issues:

• Homosexuality and Narcissism:
  • The Salafi framework rejects any actions or philosophies contradicting the clear guidance of Qur’an and Sunnah.
• Critique of Modern Philosophies:
  • Direct scriptural authority dismantles abstract ideas like existentialism, grounding love and purpose in divine commands.

Ṣūfism focuses on the spiritual and metaphysical dimensions of Islam, emphasizing divine love as the essence of existence and the Prophet ﷺ as the perfect human archetype (Insan al-Kamil).

Core Creedal Standpoints:

• Love as Union with the Divine Will:
  • Love transcends material boundaries, seeking unity with Allah’s will while maintaining His transcendence.
  • Prophet Muhammad ﷺ represents the pinnacle of divine love manifested in human form.
• Masculinity as Spiritual Strength:
  • Masculinity is rooted in qualities like patience (sabr), reliance on Allah (tawakkul), and compassion (rahmah).

Relevance To Modern Issues:

• Countering Modern Alienation:
  • Ṣūfī metaphysics provide a framework for reconnecting with the soul and Creator in a world dominated by materialism.
• Against Eastern Mysticism:
  • Ṣūfī thought refutes Hindu and Buddhist detachment by integrating divine love with worldly responsibilities.
• Love in Action:
  • Loving the Prophet ﷺ is expressed through emulation of his actions and character.

1. Loving Prophet Muhammad ﷺ:

   • Emphasize the Prophet’s ﷺ universal qualities of mercy, justice, and wisdom, making him relatable to diverse audiences.
   • Highlight how loving him as the perfect man prevents the narcissistic or misguided love prevalent today.

2. Love as Accountability:

   • Love is not indulgence but responsibility—accountability to Allah and commitment to human relationships.

3. Masculinity in Action:

   • Present prophetic masculinity as a balance of strength and compassion, countering toxic and hyper-individualistic masculinity.

By integrating the diverse creedal perspectives of Islam, we present a comprehensive understanding of love, masculinity, and devotion. These principles challenge the corrupted philosophies of the modern world, offering a path back to unity with Allah and alignment with the Prophet’s ﷺ example.