up:: Psychology, Psychoanalysis, Shadow Work
Self-healing
Self-healing refers to the process of recovery (generally from psychological disturbances, trauma, etc.), motivated by and directed by the patient, guided often only by instinct. Such a process encounters mixed fortunes due to its amateur nature, although self-motivation is a major asset. The value of self-healing lies in its ability to be tailored to the unique experience and requirements of the individual. The process can be helped and accelerated with introspection techniques such as Meditation.
How to stop seeking approval from women: the shadow of the mother - YouTube
Here are the key notes I’ve extracted from the transcript:
Mother Wound: The Root of Codependency and Approval-Seeking
A psychological injury stemming from an inadequate relationship with one’s mother, often manifesting as codependency, validation-seeking, and approval addiction in adult relationships.
- Formed through unmet childhood needs, unresolved conflicts, or traumatic experiences
- Often exacerbated by an absent or inadequate father figure
- Manifests in various ways, including emotional dependency, difficulty with autonomy, and relationship struggles
“A mother wound is a psychological or emotional injury and this wound can deeply I’m talking deeply impact a man’s outlook on life his relationships his the whole way he shows up in his life”
“If a father is passive or inadequate or completely absent let’s say she’s a single mother but not necessarily then she has to compensate she has to try to overcompensate for the father’s um inadequacy”
- How does your relationship with your mother impact your current relationships?
- In what ways might you be seeking maternal validation in your adult life?
- How has your father’s presence (or absence) influenced your relationship with your mother?
Codependency, Attachment Theory, Parental Influence on Adult Relationships
The Role of Fathers in Mother Wound Formation
The absence or inadequacy of fathers can significantly contribute to the development of mother wounds.
- Passive, inadequate, or absent fathers create a vacuum that mothers may try to fill
- This overcompensation by mothers can lead to various issues:
- Overprotectiveness
- Emotional dependency on the son
- Authoritarian control
- Helicopter parenting
“If a father is passive or inadequate or completely absent let’s say she’s a single mother but not necessarily then she has to compensate she has to try to overcompensate for the father’s um inadequacy”
- How has your father’s presence or absence influenced your relationship with your mother?
- In what ways might your mother have tried to compensate for your father’s role?
- How do you think this dynamic has affected your view of relationships and authority?
The Impact of Mother Wounds on Dating and Relationships
Elaborating on how mother wounds specifically affect men’s romantic relationships and dating behaviors.
- Difficulty initiating sex due to fear of rejection
- Overthinking and anxiety in text conversations
- Avoiding approaching attractive women
- Seeking maternal figures instead of equal partners
- Struggles with neediness and desperation in relationships
“Are you struggling or do you find it difficult to initiate sex because you’re afraid of rejection all of these things I just talked about it’s not an ex obviously an exhaustive list but the things I just talked about are signs that you struggle with codependency”
- How do you see your mother wound affecting your dating life or current relationship?
- In what ways might you be seeking maternal qualities in your romantic partners?
- How can awareness of these patterns help you form healthier relationships?
Body Awareness and Grounding Techniques
Emphasizing the importance of reconnecting with the body to heal from mother wounds.
- Many men with mother wounds are disconnected from their bodies
- Practicing body awareness exercises and meditation
- Daily emotional check-ins to reconnect with feelings
- Breath work for grounding and emotional regulation
“Get out of the head and into the body as well man if if you’re stuck overthinking everything I want you to really practice some body awareness exercises body scan meditations from mindfulness work that kind of stuff breath work emotional check every single morning”
- What body awareness practices could you incorporate into your daily routine?
- How might reconnecting with your body help in healing your mother wound?
- What emotions do you notice when you take time to check in with your body?
Signs of a Mother Wound in Men
Common manifestations of unresolved mother wounds in adult men’s behaviors and relationships.
- Overly dependent on mother or women for emotional support
- Feeling like one never fully grew up
- Rebelling against authority, especially female authority
- Resentment towards women
- Difficulty making decisions without approval
- People-pleasing behaviors
- Guilt about becoming independent
- Repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns
- Seeking a mother figure in romantic partners
- Avoidance of close relationships
- Overthinking and disconnection from the body
- Feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy
“A lot of women complain um that they make the comment that they actually feel like they’re dating a boy well a lot of the time it’s because the boy the man is like a it’s like a boy in a man’s body he’s never actually healed the mother wound”
- Which of these signs do you recognize in yourself or in men you know?
- How might these behaviors be impacting your relationships and personal growth?
- What patterns from your relationship with your mother do you see repeating in your adult life?
Emotional Dependency, Adult Attachment Styles, Personal Growth
Healing the Mother Wound: Steps Towards Emotional Independence
Practical steps and strategies for men to heal their mother wound and develop emotional independence.
- Awareness: Recognize and acknowledge the wound
- Identify triggers and patterns
- Reparenting: Learn to nurture and meet your own needs
- Connect with other men on a similar journey
- Practice body awareness and emotional check-ins
- Establish firm boundaries with your mother
- Separate emotionally from the mother to become a fully actualized man
“You absolutely need to give yourself a me you need to give yourself all the things that you didn’t get when you were a kid you need to learn how to nurture yourself how to be aware of your own needs uh and take responsibility for meeting those needs”
“A man cannot be a man if he does not separate from his mother a boy will remain a boy eternally if he is still attached emotionally to the mother and never cuts the emotional umbilical cord”
- What steps can you take today to begin healing your mother wound?
- How can you practice reparenting yourself in your daily life?
- What boundaries do you need to establish with your mother or other women in your life?
Self-Nurturing, Emotional Intelligence, Personal Boundaries, Male Individuation
The Importance of Community in Healing
Emphasizes the value of connecting with other men and seeking support during the healing process.
- Joining healing programs or support groups
- Sharing experiences with others on a similar journey
- Avoiding the “lone wolf” approach to healing
“It’s no good Lone Wolf in it and being on your own mate it really isn’t don’t do that stuff don’t do that don’t try and deal with all this on your own I mean you can only get so far alone but you the full healing work it really helps to meet with other men who are on a similar journey to you”
- How might connecting with other men support your healing journey?
- What reservations do you have about sharing your experiences with others?
- How can you find or create a supportive community for your personal growth?
Support Groups, Male Bonding, Vulnerability in Men
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