The Etiquette of Companionship with the Creator and with Creation

Allah as the Eternal Companion:

• Allah, the Most High, is the only Companion who “never parts from you”—whether awake, asleep, at home, or traveling. He remains present in life and at death.
• Remembrance (dhikr) of Allah brings His nearness, as He says: “I am the Companion of the one who engages in remembrance of Me” (Shuʿab al-Īmān).

Overcoming Shortcomings:

• When one’s heart grieves for shortcomings in fulfilling Allah’s rights, Allah remains the Constant Companion and Friend to those whose hearts “break for His sake.”

The Sweetness of Companionship with Allah:

• Knowing Allah truly leads to taking Him alone as one’s Companion and abandoning unnecessary human distraction.
• A time of solitude and dialogue with Allah is essential to taste the sweetness of intimate companionship with Him.

Manners of Spiritual Companionship:

• Concentration and stillness of the limbs while praying and invoking Allah’s name.
• Avoiding what He has prohibited and hastening to fulfill His decrees.
• Constant remembrance (dhikr), humility, and trust in Allah’s decree without relying on worldly strategies.
• Patience in contemplation, brokenness, and modesty before Allah’s majesty.

Trusting Allah Completely:

• Complete trust in Allah’s grace and knowing with certainty that His decisions are the best.

Spiritual Etiquette:

• These etiquettes (adab) should “constitute your distinguishing emblem” in all nights and days. They are the essence of companionship with Allah, the Friend who never leaves you, while all of creation will inevitably part ways.

Key Duties in Friendship:

• Give preference to your friend in wealth. If you cannot, give freely from your surplus wealth when he is in need.
• Provide swift assistance without him needing to request it.
• Conceal his faults and keep his secrets.
• Avoid passing on criticism that would upset him.
• Pass on praise of him that would please him.
• Pay full attention when he speaks; avoid picking apart his words.
• Call him by the names he likes most.
• Praise his praiseworthy traits and thank him for his favors.
• Defend him in his absence, just as you would defend yourself.
• Give him advice gently and subtly.
• Pardon his errors and slips; avoid censuring him.
• Pray for him during his life, after his death, and in ritual prayer.
• Be loyal to his family and relatives after his death.
• Express joy for his happy occasions and share sadness for his afflictions.
• Be genuine in your love for him, outwardly and inwardly.
• Initiate the greeting of peace.
• Make room for him to sit in a gathering.
• Welcome him at your house and see him off when he leaves.
• Keep quiet while he speaks until he finishes.

Golden Rule:

• Treat your friend as you would like to be treated.
• “The brotherhood of a person who does not love for his brother what he loves for himself is mere hypocrisy.”

General Courtesies:

• These etiquettes apply to people in general and close friends.

Caution with Acquaintances:

• Be cautious, as antagonism often arises among acquaintances.
• Limit your acquaintances as much as possible.

Interactions:

• Avoid belittling anyone, for they may be better than you.
• Do not look at them with reverence because of their worldly position; this ruins the heart.
• Recognize that excessive regard for worldly people lowers one’s spiritual state.

Avoid Religious Discussions for Gain:

• Offering religion to acquire worldly gain diminishes faith.
• Guard your religion against unnecessary involvement with them.

Managing Enmity:

• If acquaintances show enmity, do not reciprocate.
• Exercise patience; do not repay enmity with enmity.

On Honor and Praise:

• Do not be deceived by their honor or praise, as most are insincere.
• People often act differently in private compared to public.
• Avoid anger if they gossip about you—most behave similarly.

Avoid Covetousness:

• Do not covet their wealth or status, as it leads to humiliation.

On Asking for Help:

• If an acquaintance helps you, thank Allah and appreciate him.
• If he does not, make excuses for him instead of rebuking him.

Admonishing Acquaintances:

• Only admonish someone who is open to advice; do not force advice.
• Remind them of the truth gently if they make mistakes in ignorance.

Dealing with Harm:

• If harm comes, seek Allah’s protection. Avoid censure or arrogance.
• Acknowledge harm as a punishment for personal sins and seek forgiveness.

Managing Pseudo-Scholars and Jurists:

• Avoid those who thrive on disputes, envy, or backbiting.
• They observe and amplify your mistakes while ignoring your good deeds.
• They outwardly flatter but conceal inward resentment.

On Enemies and Friends:

• “Be cautious of your enemy once, yet wary of your friend a thousand times.”
• Friends can sometimes turn into enemies, knowing better how to harm you.

People as a Trial:

• “People are an illness, and their cure is abandoning them.”
• Maintain peace with people to avoid unnecessary troubles.

Good Character:

• Forgive others to free yourself from enmity and rancor.
• Avoid harboring negative thoughts, even about enemies.

Humility Without Abasement:

• Meet everyone—friends or enemies—with contentment, neither lowering yourself nor showing arrogance.
• Maintain a dignified and balanced demeanor.

Sitting and Conduct:

• Avoid restless behavior, excessive movements, and bad habits (e.g., yawning, fidgeting, swatting flies).
• Sit calmly and quietly, keeping conversations meaningful.

Speech and Silence:

• Remain silent when people joke or gossip.
• Avoid boasting about your achievements, children, or wealth.

Dressing and Presentation:

• Avoid excessive ornamentation, as well as untidiness.
• Stay moderate in your appearance.

Wealth and Needs:

• Do not insist on having your needs met or encourage oppression.
• Be strict but just with your dependents and employees.

Argumentation:

• Guard against ignorance and rash speech in disputes.
• Avoid excessive gestures or anger; speak only when calm.

Beware of the Fair-Weather Friend:

• “He is the worst of enemies; do not value wealth more than your honor.”